Thoughts on future

I'm mostly an optimistic person. You always see me happy. You don't see me worry. I'm not faking. I am happy and worry-free. But at times I suspect that my optimism is due to my stupidity. I am still too young to verify my suspicion, but that doesn't mean it's unfounded.

I'm well over 30.

I'm still a post-doc with only one presentable paper.

I don't have much money.

I don't have a green card.

I speak and write lousy English, but I am trying to get a job in an English speaking country.

And that job is to educate other people!!!!!

So here I am, in the middle of the night, sitting in the basement, thinking about my future. Will I find a good job and hold on to it? Will Stella and I find jobs in the same city? Will we be happy ever after? Yes, we will. I'm pretty sure about the last question, if the answers to first two questions turns out to be "yes". But what if not? There's a pretty decent chance that will happen. And I'm not ready for it. How can I be ready?

I'm sure it'll be all fine, at least my optimistic inner voice says so. But, still, if my plan fall flat, I'll be like... well, the guy in the lab next door has a nice mustache. And I can't grow one!

I feel like crying.